Although in retrospect, there are a couple things that I should have taken a look at again;
-"how fast....guns shoot" should be "how fast a bb travels"
-"fire a few dry shots" should be "clear the barrel by pulling the triger a few more times" (though I think that's what it was before, and I was told to trim down the wordiness)
-I just assumed "BBs" meant ball bearings.
-the paragraph starting with "Most airsoft games" is a sweeping generalization, some might say. And we do have "eliminate the opposition" scenarios, after all.
-I took a little creative license with the ending, there. Though that swamp mission was a meat grinder, if I recall correctly.
Minor oversights, but I'm pretty sure that the readers would get the jist of it or look up airsoft for clarification. The next article just play around with the words such as "most airsoft games" changed to "many airsoft games". That changes it from generalization to fact. Still a great post.
The Philadelphia Inquirer has gotten in touch with my professor and wants submissions. They'll show up in the "neighbors" (localized -- that is, cape may readers won't see stories about phoenixville in it) section of the sunday issues. She suggests I send that one in. I'd definitely rewrite a couple of things, and if PL Jeff is ok with it I'd like to ask him a few questions to put some quotes in the second half.
While it would be great to get a byline in the Philly Inky, I was wondering how you guys would feel about it, as the Inquirer's a much larger thing than the News of Delaware County.
I personally feel that airsoft has gotten way too much negative press. Insightful articles (IE: The Truth) are just what the general public needs, not articles like "Airgun Used in Hold Up" or some crap like that. Ask the moderators, I'm pretty sure they would like some positive stories about airsoft. Just make sure to establish the difference between responsible airsofters and idiots running around with airsoft guns and tarnishing the image.
I for one would definately like to see some positive press out there, and the Inky is about as good as we can get at the moment I'd think.
Think about putting your email into the inky submission as well so people can talk to you & find out more (or better yet - flame you with idiocy & generalizations :) Had that happen for an editorial I wrote against the smoking ban a year or so ago).
Very well written :)
__________________ "Get the facts, or the facts will get you. And when you get them, get them right, or they will get you wrong."
-Thomas Fuller
I would definitely put out a lot more information on how to get in touch with me (hey, I've got 99 Gmail invites, I could create an account especially made for feedback on everything I publish), PL or even C3 in the inquirer submission.
aw, nuts. I just figured since it was written as a participatory story, you guys might change your mind. It'd be a change from all the "these guns are dangerous because they look real" articles.
I also understand the concern that it could be manipulated, but I think that would be like some sort of editorial libel if they did. Especially since it wouldn't be what I wrote and I'd ahve the original copy to prove it.
Nevertheless, I'll shelve this until you guys say otherwise.
i would add "harmless" to your 2nd title thingy, and explain that its not the .177 metal bb's better because when adults will read this they will think of the metal BB's they used to play with and will not like the idea of that. Also, i think your intro isnt the best, it just didnt sound positive, try something like attacking the castle, because, i didnt get the sence of saftey or airsoft in the beggining, plus i think its a bit long. Its a good article, but it caught my attention for the wrong reasons, and dont post anything about specific paintball fields, you dont want them to know where we play, just say something "its gennerally played at paintball fields" not an example.
You dont want to take a chance with private information right away, if someone reads that article, they could find out more about the sport and make a negitive article 10x worse. so please, don't **** us over. Im not saying dont do it, but just make it very gerneral, no private or specific info on location, people, or stores, anything
